Counting Calories and Confessions
by CharitySaleChild
Summary: Cartman heads to fat camp one summer, and his roommate is a little of everything he despises. Can the pair remain civil? Repost. Rated T for language/themes.


The inspiration for this story was based on ever fiction that I've read, good or bad, that show cartman as a thinner, if not skinny new character. But I have yet to see a story of his actual weight loss, which is a difficult thing to do. Also thank you Naoserx for your comment on the previous upload- made my day that did.

Also any and all OCs are needed for the actual camp, they dont even have to be a camper- they could be counsellors and the like, as well as very helpful for a later chapter as you shall see if you stick around.

So mail me a ref or two if youre interested please.

to recap.

1. SP copyright Matt & Tre.

2. Reviews are lovely.

3. OCs are even lovelier.

Kyle tore off the scarlet wrapping paper with eager hands; the shade of red complimented his infamous explosion of wiry ginger curls which were currently hidden under a well known and well worn green ushanka hat. A small gasp escaped his lips as he gazed at the beautiful sweater laying half tangled in shreds of flimsy paper on the table. It was the deepest shade of emerald green with a pattern of thin lighter stripes around, which would no doubt compliment Kyles forest irises. 'I love it...so much... b-but how ? when-'

'five finger discount baby' Kenny smiled his winning smile and winked, waggling the digits on his right hand as he used his left to delve into Stans carton of fries, stuffing about a third of them into his mouth at once. Kyle snapped his head up from the woollen masterpiece on the table in front of him, the sweater leaving his line of sight for the first time.

'What ? you... you-' he leaned forward, eyebrows knitted together in concern '...you stole it ? bu-but, that's not right... I-I-' His hoarse stage whisper faltered and he sat there looking at the gift with new eyes. His face was as though Kenny had burst completely naked out of a box with ribbons in appropriate places.

'Do not fret my nerdy Adonis' Kenny chuckled, licking grains of salt from his index finger with a sly smirk curling his lips. In Kennys honest opinion Kyle was actually most probably a Hermes, constantly skittering from one person to another with gossip and bitching about them even when they were standing in front of him. He was his mothers double in that sense, but Kenny would go Garrison before he admitted it to Kyles face.

And he was most certainly not a Dionysus. Just being in the presence of a drunk made him break out in visions of pink elephants.

'And why would _that_ be?' Kyle raised an eyebrow and focused one of those piericing pupils onto his scandalous pals face, and Kenny noted that he also looked remarkably like his mother when he was incensed: the pesonification of a firecracker. 'Well birthday boy, she wasn't opposed to a little McCormick magic if you catch my drift, I had her screaming with pleasu-'

'KENNY!'

Stan exploded into a cascade of giggles, his voice harmonising with Kennys stacatto guffaw at the outrage on their friends features. Stan pulled his brow together, partly hidden beneath a curtain of sleek ebony locks (thanks to his coveted GHDs, which Cartman liked to refer to as his 'Fag-i-fiers'), and shook his head in mock indignance at the delinquent of the group. 'That is _immoral_ and just _wrong_ Kenneth!' he droned in a nasally interpretation of Kyle, earning him a slap across the back of his head from the redhead which only made Kenny laugh harder. Stan pulled his fries away from the two as he laughed, not noticing that his alone rang in his ears after the pair suddenly stopped mid-chortle.

'Awwh, Kyle, I thought it was a very good impression'

The raven haired boy had raised his glance from the fries infront of him at the unfamiliar voice when he registered the look of shock on his friends faces. He followed their stunned gaze to the figure standing in the doorway of the diner and his own features quickly took on the same expression- he couldn't have been more surprised if his jaw had hit the floor.

'...and here I thought that you gaywads wouldn't recognise me.'

'buht mo-ooom!'

Eric Cartman lounged on his double bed, cradling a jumbo bag of Bacon Poofs and straining his stubby neck to see around his mothers apologetic figure to the Terrance and Philip Nostalga Marathon.

'Terrance was just about to tell his 'bartender with the flatulence' joke!'

'I'm sorry poopsie-kins' Leanne winced as she stooped to look into her overweight sons muddy brown eyes; the brown of puddles in the dirt after snow has melted. 'but I really think that it would be a fun time, and you dont want to spend another summer cooped up in her with your Machete Mayhem III'

Eric fixed a beady eye on his mother and motioned for her to sit, to which she perched uneasily on a corner of his mattress 'First of all, mom, it's Machete Mayhem VI-' Leannes cheeks flushed and picked at the hem on her skirt '-Second of all, Stan will go out with his hair unwashed before I pack my bags for weeks of no food, no fun and no friends. As if I would sit with a bunch of mayo deprived assholes blubber about how they eat because they're depressed, and they're depressed because they eat. Give me a break' He snorted and stuffed a handful of bacon bits into his cavern of a mouth, and wiped his pudgy hands on his jeans.

There was a knock on the front door, and Leanne rose from her seat and bustled out of the room. Cartman heard her dash down the stairs and exclaim with what he was sure was a 'How nice to see you sweetie!' with which she always adressed his friends. Great. What did those assholes want?

About ten minutes later -Cartman was getting curious as to why his visitor was taking their sweet ass time which always greatly annoyed him- his bedroom door was pushed open and Kenny waltzed in with a cookie in his hand and a smile on his face. Leanne followed him with a tray of pizza and hotpockets before batting her eyelashes at the handsome blonde boy and rushing out, closing the door carefully behind her.

Kenny threw himself onto Cartmans threadbare armchair and lounged carelessly, twirling the cookie between his slender fingers.

'Your mother is one hell of a woman'

'Shut it, Kenneh' Cartman growled, and helped himself to a quarter of the pizza.

'No, seriously, she cleans, cooks and is always cheerful, when you do fuck all around here' He turned his head so that his pair of powder blues could gaze imploringly over at his friend. 'She seemed abit upset though- what did you do? Eat out an entire Walmart?'

Cartman rolled his eyes and reached over for a hotpocket even as his mouth worked at his pepperoni feast pizza. Kenny was always going on about how his mom was awesome. It pissed him off.

'She wants to ship me off to fat camp again this year- you think she'd get the message after me saying no to the past five summers.'

Kenny whistled and sat up in the squashy chair, his legs crossed underneath him.

'Dude, dont you think you should maybe-'

'No.' Cartman cut him off, his eyes trained on the tv.

Kenny sighed.

'I'm just saying that it couldn't hurt to lose a few pounds'

Cartman smirked at him. 'Yeah, cause you can relate from experience- s'not my fault I'm not some malnourished po' poy or lanky jew... thank fuck.'

The blonde bit his lip, and the idea came to him in a stroke of brilliance.

'I guess you're right' Kenny stood and shook crumbs off his thighs, his curtain of shaggy straw coloured hair hiding his expression.

'I understand why youre so against the idea, see as its not like you could do it anyways.'

'What? You know damn well I could do it Kenneh! Redneck asshole' Cartman spluttered.

'Prove it'

Kenny turned to face him, his face stone cold serious. Eric narrowed his eyes. Why would the poor kid care whether Cartman was fat or not, anyway? Kenny stared at him evenly, his pale blue irises vivid and piercing, as he chewed the lip ring on the right side of his mouth.

'Fahn!' Eric cried, unnerved by the stare. 'I'll do it! and you'll be pissed when I repo your house so that you can pay for my victory, poor boy!'

Kenny shrugged and headed for the door. 'I'll see you in a few weeks then'

He poked his head round the door, silky strands of blonde falling over his eyes.

'...that is, if they can fit you onto the bus home'

He flashed an impish grin and ducked outside just in time: Cartman had lobbed a hotpocket at his smug face- it soared past the door and splattered on the chalky-blue walls.

Cartman watched it as he listened to Kenny leave, hs moms tittering laugh following the golden boy out the door. He scowled and and flicked the tv channel, his free hand delving into the bag of crispy delights on his right.

It was official.

Eric cartman was going to fat camp.


End file.
